I got kicked out of work 4 hours early today but who cares because the Phillies just won the NL East for the third year in a row. Couldn't watch it though because DirecTv sucks. Thank goodness for the new MLB Network that launched this year with their superb live game cut-ins. I'm a fanatic. Or a Phanatic. Another October of exciting home team playoff baseball. The analysts on MLB were talking of maybe a little dynasty shaping up with the Phils and their young players. I can't argue.
Evan and Eric got trimmed and shot today. Haircuts and flu shots for both. Only took 17 people to hold Eric down this week opposed to the 27 last week when he got his teeth cleaned. He then came home and completed his homework assignment without mom's help.
Highlight of the week thus far was Monday when I came home from work and most of Sue's family was here celebrating Yom Kippur. I have to say my eldest nephew caught me off guard with his size and voice. Where did the little guy go? Did I see some five o' clock shadow? I'm predicting I'll be looking up at him in a year and a half. Can somebody hand-cuff the clock please? I still remember him in Sue's apartment sleeping in the baby car seat. Time flies. Another memorable incident from this gathering of family was when my usually quiet and innocent sister-in-law tried to draft-fart me without detection. Draft-farting is a self-invented term for the act of walking by someone without breaking stride and floating a beefy one in their face. The only thing was, this was not beefy. Initially, she got me, as I was in deep conversation with Sue when someone walked by (Ar) and a noise was heard but I was looking to see if the cats were present because I never heard a fart that small. It honestly took 5 minutes of intense thinking to get my brain wrapped around the fact that what I heard was a human fart. Geez Ar, next time make sure you're ready to deliver the goods. I will lay down the ground work if you want to do some research so next time you might peel some paint and clear the room. The characteristics of a good fart are duration, resonance and muzzle velocity. Adam will explain if you need help.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
it's 4th and long - let's go for it
I was just thinking about the state of things with the world, our nation and my paycheck. My paycheck is smaller with cut hours and the bills that come are larger. How in the hell does this work?
I am sick and tired of the bureaucracy of our legislature. I am sick and tired of the ineffective debates on health care. I am sick of this nation's inability to produce anything physically tangible to sell on the world market. Computers and the management of digital information rule the day. Phooey.
Soon I will be calling for the 500 plus people who lead this country to step down. What good are they?
I will create jobs by erecting a giant toilet bowl on the Mall in D.C. so we can flush all these former leaders and lawmakers into the Potomac River. Yes We Can will become Oh Yes I Did.
I will then appoint Glenn Beck, Rachel Maddow, Bill O'Reilly, The Dixie Chicks and Bill Maher to the top spots in Washington to see if the armchair quarterbacked hot air they blow weekly can turn things around. If they can talk about what's wrong now, they should be able to fix it, right? Four people and a country music group. Just about the right size for our federal government. You might've asked yourself, where's Rush Limbaugh? Well he was wrong about a certain black athlete that plays in the NFL and for that we'll start him out on the state level as governor of Mississippi or Alabama.
Drastic times call for drastic measures and this over-taxed American wants change for the sake of my family's future.
I am sick and tired of the bureaucracy of our legislature. I am sick and tired of the ineffective debates on health care. I am sick of this nation's inability to produce anything physically tangible to sell on the world market. Computers and the management of digital information rule the day. Phooey.
Soon I will be calling for the 500 plus people who lead this country to step down. What good are they?
I will create jobs by erecting a giant toilet bowl on the Mall in D.C. so we can flush all these former leaders and lawmakers into the Potomac River. Yes We Can will become Oh Yes I Did.
I will then appoint Glenn Beck, Rachel Maddow, Bill O'Reilly, The Dixie Chicks and Bill Maher to the top spots in Washington to see if the armchair quarterbacked hot air they blow weekly can turn things around. If they can talk about what's wrong now, they should be able to fix it, right? Four people and a country music group. Just about the right size for our federal government. You might've asked yourself, where's Rush Limbaugh? Well he was wrong about a certain black athlete that plays in the NFL and for that we'll start him out on the state level as governor of Mississippi or Alabama.
Drastic times call for drastic measures and this over-taxed American wants change for the sake of my family's future.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
milestone
Every once and a while we have to scratch our own backs.
Today's entry is blog post number 50. For those of you that know me you know this is a mind-boggling feat on my part. To accomplish 50 of any one thing... it's just not me. But against all odds and everyone's (including my own) misconception of Joseph P. Harter, I did it. I didn't realize I was about to embark on number 50 until I looked down the sidebar two weeks ago and saw the number 49. I wasn't shooting for this number. I'm not being paid to write. I have no ads on this page. Some posts took me hours and some took minutes. However long each post took it's been fun. To be honest, the first set of comments from my initial post was all I needed. Comments signify that I'm being read and I love them. I'm hooked.
Authoring a blog was an experiment of sorts to wake my brain. I'm glad I tried it out. I type better and faster now. My reporting skills are much better. I enjoy writing about my kids. All in all, I've tapped into a portion of my mind that I never knew existed. I have never written while intoxicated but I often wonder what I'd produce while on a few higher consciousness drugs. Probably a lot of shit about health care, politicians, TV evangelists and oil company executives. I'll stay away.
If I was to leave this earth tomorrow I hope someone will pass this web address on to my kids when they're of age. Maybe they'll be proud of who their dad was and what he accomplished. Yes, I'm blowing this 50 thing way out of proportion but it's a learned skill (from my bro Mark) to always take anything one says to the next level of absurdity and then take it further. There's always another level. Unclear? Here's an example using a conversation with my brother:
Mark: I had to discipline Jayman today. He was being a bear.
Me: Oh man, what did you do?
Mark: I had to put him in a timeout.
Me: No way.
Mark: (3 second pause) There was fire involved also.
Me: Cool.
Mark: (3 second pause) And a staple gun.
Mark: (3 second pause) Then I punched my neighbor in the face and shit in his pool.
I swear it's all an act. Mark is a great dad. It's just an exercise we like to do whenever we're together. If we ever timed it, my sister-in-law would get the world record for eye rolling.
I have learned that the title of my blog, Bare Witness, is also the title of a movie. This is depressing because I thought I was being creative with that title. So, I'm thinking about changing it. I also would not like to be sued even though I'd defend myself and win and be the subject of many law school textbooks. Oops, there I go again. The next logical choice for a name (in my mind) would be Beer Witness but I don't know. Any ideas? There may be a monetary prize for something that catches my eye.
Side note for historical reasons:
Sue ran out of gas on Route 663 today. She didn't run out of the kind of gas that makes the sheets move in the morning. She has plenty of that. I'm talking about the van. The freaking Odyssey's fuel door is on the driver side of the vehicle. This location is fine if you live in Great Britain and drive on the left side of the road but because we don't I had to put some gas in the van with my ass basically in front of traffic. When I say traffic, I mean 18 wheelers traveling at mach 7. Quite the adventure it was. Hopefully Sue learned that driving the van around town for three days with the fuel light on means she should probably stop and get gas starting out the fourth day. I have coached Eric nonetheless to ask mommy if there's enough gas every time they get in the car.
This is getting long winded and I apologize. My whole point at the beginning of this great, Pultitzer deserving milestone post was to thank all my readers for their time and taking an interest towards what I have to say even if it's mindless nonsense. Sincerely. Thank you!
Number 50 in the books. Now if you'll excuse me there's a parade in my honor.
Today's entry is blog post number 50. For those of you that know me you know this is a mind-boggling feat on my part. To accomplish 50 of any one thing... it's just not me. But against all odds and everyone's (including my own) misconception of Joseph P. Harter, I did it. I didn't realize I was about to embark on number 50 until I looked down the sidebar two weeks ago and saw the number 49. I wasn't shooting for this number. I'm not being paid to write. I have no ads on this page. Some posts took me hours and some took minutes. However long each post took it's been fun. To be honest, the first set of comments from my initial post was all I needed. Comments signify that I'm being read and I love them. I'm hooked.
Authoring a blog was an experiment of sorts to wake my brain. I'm glad I tried it out. I type better and faster now. My reporting skills are much better. I enjoy writing about my kids. All in all, I've tapped into a portion of my mind that I never knew existed. I have never written while intoxicated but I often wonder what I'd produce while on a few higher consciousness drugs. Probably a lot of shit about health care, politicians, TV evangelists and oil company executives. I'll stay away.
If I was to leave this earth tomorrow I hope someone will pass this web address on to my kids when they're of age. Maybe they'll be proud of who their dad was and what he accomplished. Yes, I'm blowing this 50 thing way out of proportion but it's a learned skill (from my bro Mark) to always take anything one says to the next level of absurdity and then take it further. There's always another level. Unclear? Here's an example using a conversation with my brother:
Mark: I had to discipline Jayman today. He was being a bear.
Me: Oh man, what did you do?
Mark: I had to put him in a timeout.
Me: No way.
Mark: (3 second pause) There was fire involved also.
Me: Cool.
Mark: (3 second pause) And a staple gun.
Mark: (3 second pause) Then I punched my neighbor in the face and shit in his pool.
I swear it's all an act. Mark is a great dad. It's just an exercise we like to do whenever we're together. If we ever timed it, my sister-in-law would get the world record for eye rolling.
I have learned that the title of my blog, Bare Witness, is also the title of a movie. This is depressing because I thought I was being creative with that title. So, I'm thinking about changing it. I also would not like to be sued even though I'd defend myself and win and be the subject of many law school textbooks. Oops, there I go again. The next logical choice for a name (in my mind) would be Beer Witness but I don't know. Any ideas? There may be a monetary prize for something that catches my eye.
Side note for historical reasons:
Sue ran out of gas on Route 663 today. She didn't run out of the kind of gas that makes the sheets move in the morning. She has plenty of that. I'm talking about the van. The freaking Odyssey's fuel door is on the driver side of the vehicle. This location is fine if you live in Great Britain and drive on the left side of the road but because we don't I had to put some gas in the van with my ass basically in front of traffic. When I say traffic, I mean 18 wheelers traveling at mach 7. Quite the adventure it was. Hopefully Sue learned that driving the van around town for three days with the fuel light on means she should probably stop and get gas starting out the fourth day. I have coached Eric nonetheless to ask mommy if there's enough gas every time they get in the car.
This is getting long winded and I apologize. My whole point at the beginning of this great, Pultitzer deserving milestone post was to thank all my readers for their time and taking an interest towards what I have to say even if it's mindless nonsense. Sincerely. Thank you!
Number 50 in the books. Now if you'll excuse me there's a parade in my honor.
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